


Retracting Hearts

by SpeedingCheetah



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempted Murder, Blood and Gore, Bloodshed, Despair, Desperation, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, I’ll add a trigger in the chapter if it’s not in the tags, Murder, Psychological Trauma, Violence, my Oc can’t tell the difference between normal and trauma, rather shitty angst up ahead ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28540608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeedingCheetah/pseuds/SpeedingCheetah
Summary: If you grow up outside the walls, you grow up in a world that is one of two things. Dangerous and full of oppression.. Or a sick freedom that involves sacrifice your loved ones for sacred practices.Aekazura Naxol hadn’t known that as a child; And now as an adult, she was only more and more baffled by the way humanity was being pushed to its own extinction. Not by titans.. But by each other.
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Original Female Character(s), Eren Yeager & Original Character(s), Erwin Smith & Original Female Character(s), Hange Zoë & Original Female Character(s), Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi & Original Female Character(s), Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager & Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The Naxol Clan worships a Titan, (A deity in their eyes), so religion / faith might be mentioned throughout the book. It solely is revolving around the Titan they worship, and not other beliefs. (I just wanted to add that as a note, thank you!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You aren’t worth anything until you choose to value yourself. That’s how it’s always worked, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Death / Murder, Self-Hate.. (Technically Cannibalism)_ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.
> 
> (A Titan-character eats another Titan-character, for clarification.)

It was quiet, nearly as silent as the night’s darkest hours. There were no excess noises outside of the crickets chirping, the gentle swoosh of the wind and the faint echo of a creek far off in a valley that must’ve gone bankrupt of clay years ago. 

A woman, no older than twenty-seven, walked quietly through the dense forest. It was midnight, and no stars could be seen in the sky. She had expected such a thing, knowing full well how dangerous what she was doing could be with one simple misstep.

And yet, it didn’t faze her in the slightest. 

The cloak around her shoulders was wrapped tightly, her red hair messily tangled and put in a bun upon her head, her bangs framing her face unevenly as she walked over the mulch covered ground. She wore fabric tightly bound around her chest, hiding her breasts away from any prying eyes.

Her stomach was fully exposed, midriff open to attacks, and yet concealed behind a thick layer of fabric that was warm against her skin during the colder seasons of each year. There were several thick bands of cloth tied around her waist, fabrics tucked in between each bunch to form a makeshift skirt to hide her upper thighs and keep them away from gazes, even the deer being unable to see her in her glory. 

She was silent when the deers bundled, scampling away through the shrubbery and setting off into the night. The woman felt a tug on her shoulders, and gently smiled to herself.

Reaching up with one hand, she weakly patted her child’s limb, earning a muffled ‘Mama?’. Aekazura Naxol; The first born daughter of the Naxol clan outside of the walls that confined humanity into hellish territories where the poor were used as stepping stones to power others into wealth. 

The Naxols were one of the first to genuinely fight with authorities over the walls, forcing their way outside. There hadn’t been time to execute them all before they were upon the top of the wall, climbing over at such alarming speeds and without fail, they could’ve been considered Survey-Soldiers themselves. 

No one knew anything, no one remembered it all. Only the Naxols did; The pains and hunger of blood. The aching that filled their lungs, unable to forget the titans and their founding into the universe. How everything broke apart, how the monarchy crumbled and forced those who were immune into extinction.

So they left, hunted themselves into oblivion and escaped the shackles of humanity. Their abilities were pristine, granting them escape and a tranquility that was supposed to last until the end of dawn, the shatter of the daytime glee and into the unforgiving howls of the night.

People considered them dead, thinking the Titans had finally killed them all off. After all, who survived in the outside world if they weren’t with a regiment or with higher ranking military personnel who could kill the enemies with ease? Who could survive on their own two legs, running at a mere ten miles per hour compared to titans who could go for hours on end while running?

So ancestors of humanity thought the Naxol clan had finally given in, died off and lost their powers and ever-broken will to survive and obey. To oblige by nature and oblige to those who ordered them to bow, the humans who should have remembered no longer possessed the knowledge of who the clan was.. And what they once did for the sake of their lesser-known factors. 

What a load of shit, really. 

If they were dead, there wouldn’t have been hope for humanity’s survival. The walls weren’t invincible, and they were yet to crack and be shattered one by one. Once that happened, the Titans would be upon them all. Despite the glory that’d follow, the vengeance most Naxols now wanted, they couldn’t allow such a thing to happen. 

They weren’t heartless, but they certainly no longer wished to be considered humans. Even so, to suddenly be classified as ‘extinct’ bloodline, one that is now rumored to be living among titans as _titans.._ That too, was misinformed. Sure, it was nearly accurate, but in truth; The Naxol Clan had discovered what humans were too fearful to ever try to do.

That’s how they survived outside the walls, running along the titans’ feet and slashing the ankles; The beings blinded by the existence that the red-heads had. It was as if their presence was invisible, their scents and sounds unknown to the flesh-eating monsters. 

The Naxol clan was toxic by blood, a single droplet enough to cause a frenzy of all titans in a mile radius. The smell was so potent, it reeked strongly enough to wash over humans even if it was nothing more major than a paper-cut. That's how they avoided titans, herded them into corners and slammed their weapons against the creatures’ limbs and slit their tongues when being popped into their mouths.

To be taken into a titan’s hand, it was only natural for a Naxol to kick their heel and yell at the top of their lungs; Voice amplified five times stronger than the average human. Being away from humanity.. Eating the bare minimum and overexerting oneself.. Killing titans bare handedly.. 

That was what Naxols did; Taking down the monsters and cutting their flesh into chunks and slivers of skin. The humans fed upon titans, taking on their strengths and altering their own bodies to go on par with such a beast without using equipment.. In simple terms, they ate titans to acquire their strengths and some of the abilities an average bring wouldn’t possess. 

Faster regeneration? _Acquired._

Stronger limbs? _Acquired._

The lack of the need to eat often? _Acquired._

The lack of the need to drink often? _Acquired._

Increased stamina? _Acquired._

Increased voices and vocal range? _Acquired._

The ability to jump up to twenty-feet into the air without equipment? _Acquired._

The ability to put forth all your energy into a single limb to fully decapitate a titan’s head? _Acquired._

Naxols had given up most of their humanity to hunt titans for their regeneration abilities, for their blood, for the sickness and disease that could be harbored as vaccines against the flu and strongest chronic illnesses. Before a titan's corpse vaporized, those who took down the beast would cut and slice portions of their flesh off to eat..

That’s just how it worked, for as long as the Naxols had been left alone in the outer world. They hunted animals and killed them, buried their bones or turned them into weapons and handles for sharper blades; They’d follow pairs of titans for weeks, herding them subtly into valleys before slaughtering their unsuspecting asses. 

The woman stepped over the twigs again, listening for the low bugle of a horn made of an elk’s skull. Once she heard that noise, she’d take the signal and head right to the passage way system in the mountain valley. No matter how stupid titans were, they were smart enough to go to the strongest scent of blood. 

There was no denial of that fact, even if you wanted to so desperately believe that those beings were narrow-minded and stolen by hunger only. And in a way, they were. But; They fed off of humans, and followed the smell of flesh and open-wounds. To think otherwise was both stupid and a suicide expedition, especially if you were alone without backup..

And with your child trying to sleep on your back.

“Mama,” A voice whispered out loud, and the woman managed to push away the surprise that filled her mind. Instead, she felt her features soften at her daughter’s voice, using her hand to pat the girl’s head albeit awkwardly from behind. 

“Where’s Marlene?” She whispered, groggily blinking her eyes at the delicate contact her mother was giving her. In good nature, Aekazura hummed afterwards too; Nudging against the female’s palm tiredly.

“Home.” The woman said quietly, her tongue clicking. She had never been affectionate, but her daughter was a whole other case compared to the clan’s other children. Not even her sons got such a treatment, whereas she spoiled the one daughter she had. 

The trees were tall and scraped the skies above, making the situation slightly uncomfortable to be a part of. Sure, she had been traveling at night for quite some time, but had been without a child at that time, and had been with her sister as well as older brother. 

That had been six years ago, and now both of her siblings were deceased. It was pitiful, really. Something that had hit hard for all of them at the home-camp, but it had practically been expected. For those two to go off alone, so young and so damn confident..

They would’ve died from their boredom, or died at the hands of titans. 

No in between.

“Mama?” The kid spoke up again, voice quiet against the two humans’ breathing. 

“Hm?” The woman asked softly, watching the area of dense foliage to the left. A large elk stood there, hooves planted into the grass and mulch coated ground. She narrowed her eyes at the animal, hunger gnawing away faintly in her mind at the thought of bringing home another meal.

“Where’s home?” Her daughter asked again blearily. 

The woman, accustomed to her child’s rather random and disoriented words, answered smoothly without any hesitance. Her tone was gentle and feather-light, calm in a person’s ears. “Away from the titans. South, in the valley; East from the humans.” 

“The.. People aren’t there..?” Aekazura murmured, somewhat numbly, as if she didn’t know how to speak. To which, she really didn’t, she was only one year old. 

“No. The people aren’t there.” She said solemnly, almost relieved. She wasn’t sure as to what type of ‘people’ Aekazura was referring to, the humans or the Titans. But, either way, the one year old wouldn’t remember anyways. “Just us.”

“Okay.” The child hummed, nuzzling back into the mother’s shoulder. The fabric that helped keep her tied against the woman’s backside rustled against her skin, but she mindlessly obliged to the warmth it brought her. 

That was fine, really. Who was to say otherwise? 

The _Survey Corps?_

They rarely left the nearby inland near the walls and their civilization, let alone come so far to the bays and thick greenery that concealed freshwater lakes and hidden forest villages that touched the skies and laid between each branch, barely managing to stay up in harsh weather. 

It was unlikely they’d be able to find the Naxols, let alone be able to secure or execute them all. To do such a thing would be pointless, losing all of your soldiers for a mere scouting mission to find titan-eating monsters that looked like humans?

What a stupid idea, really.

— — —

**Year 839, 6 Years Before The Breach of Wall Maria**

“Come on, come on!” A young adult said, smiling widely and tugging on her younger sister’s arm. She was much too cheerful for it to be a normal situation or discovery in the middle of the night, something the younger human noticed. “It has finally frozen over! We can run along the ice again, come on!”

“Shh, you're so loud!” The other female giggled, stifling her laughter as she quickly got up from her position in the hammock, waving her hands frantically at the other young-adult who had appeared in her room. 

It was the middle of the night, and the outer world had just been given the first snowfall of the season. And, knowing how childish and carefree the Naxol clan could be; It was only natural that the eldest daughter of Marie, Aekazura, would appear on her younger sister's ‘doorstep’ to drag her out to the bay. 

No matter how old she aged, she had always liked snow. The way it was soft yet freezing to the touch, delicate and gentle when poked but harsh enough to prick your skin and give you a mind-numbing sensation that left you uncomfortable for hours on end. Yes, Aekazura liked winter, even if it was cold and caused the titans to become a bit more persistent in their trampling through open fields. 

“Mother and father are with Arenöck, we’ll be fine!” The older one said dismissively, still smiling as she grabbed a hold of the candle that was on one of the many shelves that were precisely placed along the inside of the tree’s trunk. Taking one of the matches that were besides the metal holder, she sparked it against the wood and watched the warm glow radiate. 

“Uh, only for a few hours? It’d be stupid to think they aren’t actually here-” The younger sister coughed, rolling her eyes as she quickly rummaged through a large trunk that was pressed up against one of the trunk’s sides. She yanked out a large wrapping wheel, taking a hold of the fabric and sitting down to pull it over her ankles and support the soles of her feet against the running they often did. 

Shoes? _What were those?_ They had some, but it was more common to see and easier to fight and run when you just wore bandages around your feet. It was a support tactic, the fabric holding against and wrapping around your legs to brace your bones from constantly twisting or getting sprained.

Naxols were always running and slamming their heels into things, using the world around them to take off and jump into the air or simply kick things into the dirt below. That’s what Aekazura did, after all. 

“Oh shush, you already know they think we're perfect dolls.” She lit the candle, and a dull yet large portion of light filled the hollowed out tree trunk, illuminating the room with a pale yellow-orange glow. 

A hammock was in one corner, and around the walls were both nooks that were occupied with jars and random trinkets, as well as large shelves that had journals nearly placed across the wood. Compared to the older siblings’ room, this place was small and unbearably organized. 

“Perfect dolls that are ready for-? Ready for what? _Murder?_ ” The younger mumbled, snickering quietly as she tied a knot in the fabric right below her knee. She turned her attention to her other leg, grabbing ahold of another cloth and starting to wrap it around her other ankle. 

Aekazura smacked a hand over her mouth, choking back an annoyed yet amused bark of laughter. “That would seem puny, Erieth. Seriously, murder to whom? Our father would punish us before we could even blink if we were to say such a thing.”

“No, he’d punish me.. You’re special or something, tall ass bitch.” Erieth snorted, mimicking their father’s calm yet ‘posh’ and uptight voice. “Oh no, oh dear. We can’t have this type of nonsense in our home, Elrezit! It’s bad enough you play female!”

Anger bubbled in her gut at the mocking voice, yet her sister’s words were real. Their father had only recently stopped referring to Erieth as ‘Son’, now referring to her as ‘daughter’ and ‘lovely child’. It made Aekazura mad that their father couldn’t understand a person's mentality and desire to fit in with their truest needs and wants. 

“Hey, he's not that horrid! Plus, I’m only five-nine!” She whisper-yelled, stifling her snort with an exasperated huff. And it was true, she wasn’t that tall. Their mother was six and a half feet tall, whereas their father was practically eight feet tall all the time, with or without titan-flesh in his system. 

“Whore, I’m only five-three, shut up before I bust your kneecaps!” The sister hissed, almost threateningly, but clearly not offended with her sibling’s words. Rather, she was only amused. 

“Erieth, you’re small compared to me. As if.”

“I’m in perfect vicinity to kick your shins and ravage your entire midriff, though.” She pointed out blandly, tightening the fabric that was tightly bound around her skin. It looked painful, but everyone knew the tighter it was the better chances you had of survival. 

“Fair enough,” Aekazura subsided, smiling lightly. Her expression softened briefly, but quickly returned to its bold and excited demeanor. “Come on, we need toget there before the others try to wake me up to hunt!”

“Others this.. Others that. Forget about them for a bit and just let me go with ya’ on your own time.” Erieth shrugged, rolling her eyes again but easily tying the last knot around her leg. Adjusting the placement fabric that concealed her toes, she made sure it would stay in place before getting up. 

Brushing her red hair out, she grinned and leaned forwards to harshly jab her older sister in the chest. She quirked a brow at the offended look that passed through Aekazura’s eyes, before giving a small laugh and poking her on the nose. “Don't look so mad, ‘Kazura. You woke me up, so let’s go already.”

“Haa, fine.” The older sister hummed, reaching out and bopping the shorter teenager on the head. She grinned, giving a small laugh at the annoyed look that flashed on Erieth’s face. “But, if you crack the ice; I _will_ hit you with a whole log.”

“As if you can pick shit like that up, but I won’t. I’ll be quiet, Kazura-Nee.” She sighed, scrunching her nose lightly before batting away her sister’s extended hand, instead turning towards a large hole above the trunk in her bedroom and grabbing the item inside. 

Shuffling around briefly, the teenager swiftly unfolded the cloak and shrugged it onto her shoulders. Adjusting the clasps so it wouldn’t get caught in her tangled hair, she tugged the sleeves of her shirt down to cover her wrists and huffed, her breath swirling in the air. 

The older sibling didn’t wait another moment, excitement washing over her. 

“Let’s go, let’s go.” Aekazura hummed, grabbing her sister’s hand and hearing the younger choke back a surprised ‘What the fuck’. 

Tugging her quietly, she poked her head out of the hollowed-out trunk, opening the curtains made from sheeps’ wool and staring at the cold snow-littered ground several ‘stories’ below. There were still a few snow flurries in the air, escalating about with the wind harshly pulling them in different directions.

Without waiting to process a safe way to jump onto the branches and rope lines, she threw herself out the window and felt the cold rush of the air hit her. They were so far up in the tree, the ground looked small from where they were falling. She felt Erieth let go of her hand, and hummed inwardly at the loss of warmth. 

No matter, she didn’t mind it too much. Feeling the cold air whip across her skin and prick her face, she grinned enthusiastically. Throwing her hands out, she grabbed the edges of her cloak and forced her body to turn in the air. 

It was always either nerve wracking to jump from the tips of trees in order to glide down with a cloak, or just plain exciting. 

For Aekazura Naxol, it was exciting to feel her body twist in the air and send her gliding against the atmosphere's currents. She spread the cloak out, kicking her legs to latch the buckles against the fabric’s lower clasps. It clicked to place, and she let out a quiet, ‘Beat that!’, stretching her limbs and gliding under a branch. 

Erieth snorted somewhere behind her, her voice quietly echoing through the dense canopy and overgrowth of tree-branches. Her sister popped into view not a moment later, gliding in similar fashion to the young adult who had originally barged into her quarters.

“Which lake?” The fifteen year old asked. 

“North one.” The eighteen year old replied, grinning happily. “I saw it with Ames, ya’ know? We ran across it together.”

“Lake _Okjad?_ You’re kidding,” Erieth whispered back, nearly as if she was choking back a loud yelp, “And you took Ames? Were you on drugs, Onee?” 

“What drugs, hm? It’s not like I even use the medical stuff mother gives me, let alone smoke anything either. Plus, Ames followed me, dipshit. Lucky find.”

“He’ll eat you.”

“He’s a literal wolf, not a titan.” Aekazura replied, giving a small laugh. Her body shuddered against the cold air, though her mind enjoyed the feeling of snow tickling her skin. 

“Suicidal little..”

“I’m taller than you,” She reminded cheekily, earning a glare. 

“Supposedly, yes.. Say less, Onee.” Erieth sighed, rolling her eyes half-heartedly. The wind was cold and whipped against their skin, attacking their separate warmth and feeding off of their body-heat. 

“Of course.” The older one said humbly, flicking her wrists and diving low beneath the trees’ branches, feeling the darkness of the greenery consume her alive, licking her limbs and coating her in a sugary black, sparkling with snowflakes of every assortment the world had to offer. 

She soared between the trunks, exhaling giddily and grinning at what was yet to come. The wind, having possessed a steady breeze, completely vanished and left the two Naxols hanging upon empty air and excited breaths that were stuck in their throats. 

Then, as soon as they fell downwind forwards; It was as if the ground had spilt underneath them- Shifting and withering into a cliff. The wind popped right back into play, ripping against their bodies and pulling them over the edge. It was a ‘close-call’, one that had been expected from the moment they took the route to the lake.

The valley they lived in was wondrous, huge and never-ending until it reached the ocean and sandy beaches, the hills surrounding them coated in vast fields and blood-soaked dirt, graves made for each member who hadn’t come home in their time of travels. The way the sun set, pushing through the mountains that encircled the Naxols’ designated home on the east side of Paradis island..

With the world around them, similar to how the walls protected the remaining Eldians who were yet to be conquered by Marley, the Naxols lived without true fear. They were on the east coast of the island, right besides the bays and harsh churning of the tides- Open water yet to show if another continent was on the other side. 

If you head west, you’d reach the mainland. By that notion, the clan had chosen to settle as far away from their fatalities as possible- Cutting ties with their former members who had chosen to try and stay and fight the colonization that had turned into a rabid disease. 

Whatever drove them to stay, it was beyond the understanding of the present and past clan mates who had fled alongside the king- Though no judgement had been made.. Only severe anxiety and distress over how easily the hawks that sent and delivered letters came to a halt. 

Aekazura let out a muffled cheer, the wind blowing her cloak open and causing it to fully unravel in the sky, stretching out like an eagle’s wings. Erieth followed in short pursuit, diving underneath her sister and twisting in the open air, all of the trees having practically come to a stop, having been cut away over time to reveal a large dip in the valley. 

The open sky was dark and cold, but it felt so good to twist and move, gliding in the air without any second-thoughts. No rules said you couldn’t fly about and enjoy the night, just as there were no rules saying you had to leave your room to do random shit.

It was a rare occasion, the situation the two sisters were in. Naxols were supposedly nocturnal beings, resting eternally during the brightest hours of the week, and doing average things during the night that plagued the world with sleep. And yet, for once, most of the clan was asleep.

A rare thing, a rare and appreciated thing in Aekazura’s opinion. Her parents and uncle were awake, as well as a few others, but she didn’t mind. In fact; She was perfectly aware of what that notion entailed, and the risks that followed if she and Erieth were caught dancing on ice. 

But she also couldn’t heed her own warnings, excited to break rules and cause a bit of excitement in her sister’s mellowed-out mind. Erieth had never been over exerting like herself, rather, she was a logical thinker and rash in almost any situation. 

_Live a little, will you?_

A bird cawed out loud, but Aekazura was too absorbed in soaring quickly through the sharp air, turning her body upwards to stall in the wind for a moment to see the lake off in the distance; The ice practically glowing as it reflected the moon. 

The snow covered what used to be grassy hills, the thick white blanket shimmering as always under the star littered skies. The winter was a cool and timid season, coated with soft choruses and cheerful smiles, noses painted red with candied fruit and pickled plums. 

“Let’s go,” Erieth whispered to her, gliding silently past her without so much as a second of hesitance. The older sibling snapped to attention, enjoyment flashing in her mind as she grinned. 

They flew forwards again, the latter moving close enough to jab the former, earning a huff and childish war; Banter starting through playfulness, the harmless fog touching their skin like white petals of a frost-bitten daisy. As soon as the lake was in sight, a mere twenty or so feet away, the siblings sharply turned left and headed downwind; Spinning in the frosty air and silencing their laughs, skin bruised from each others’ random pokes. 

Gliding down rapidly, Aekazura stretched out her limbs and thrusted her legs forwards, soles of her feet skidding through the snow and forcing her to land. But that was fine, adrenaline washing through her system. She threw herself down, unclipping the clasps from her hands and allowing her cloak to collapse on itself. 

Her sister did the same, stumbling in the white powder. Her breath swirled in the air, warm and sticking out against the cold. 

“Let’s go, look.. Look.” Aekazura whispered, straightening herself out and quickly grabbing ahold of both her sister’s hands, eyes bright and glowing their excited azure blue. Her breath twisted in the air like steam, hot and yet as collected as ever, “We can dance on it for quite some time, too.”

“Of course we can,” Erieth said dismissively, allowing her older sister to pull her through the snow, the weather that coated the ground slowly going up to their knees. The part that surprised them was the fact it was still easy to tread through, even with the white ice pricking against their skin. 

The older sibling shoved her feet through the snow, sprinting forwards at an absurd speed as she toppled down the hillside; The white powder spraying upwards into her face, the frost sticking to her cheeks and eyelashes. Of course, she didn’t mind it, in fact she enjoyed the feeling. 

In the winter, it was cold. In the night, titans normally didn’t move; Stuck in their place like statues. They were easy prey, easy kills. That’s why Naxols were nocturnal, and the reason they slept during the day rather than the darkest hours.

During the day, titans moved towards the walls.. During the night, the clan that was east would go out and kill them for fun or for the simplest kicks. They’d eat their bodies, eat the muscle right off of the being’s bones and leave their corpses to evaporate slowly once the sun rose again. 

They were cruel like that, merciless to the man-slaughtering beasts that stood at heights that were unnerving to see. Why wouldn’t they be? Titans were their source of purpose as well as ‘meals’, their entire lives were dedicated to devouring them on the island. 

Paradis was often swarming with them, over thousands appearing on shore from the mainland. Mindlessly wandering until they reached the bays, before sprinting in what some would call ‘terrorized glee’, the type of emotion that was as twisted as they came, cold and yet a fiery passion to those who saw it in full-action and first-hand. 

Naxols would destroy and herd the titans close to the east, preventing them from reaching humanity within the walls, which results in large masses of monstrous ‘people’ hoarding the coast and trampling one another. 

Aekazura had herded over eight-hundred titans into the valley on the east, a few miles south of the clan’s territory. And yet, she has only ever killed forty-nine, of course, she supposed it was due to her parents never allowing her to go and slaughter them all like she so badly had wanted.

That had been two years ago, when she had been sixteen. Sure, she still wanted to kill and maim the titans.. In fact, she looked forward to being invited to a blood-bath, especially if she was expected to kill hordes of them without a break. Even if those titans were born human, there was no cure outside of death or devoting a shifter..

And for a person to come from Marley so soon? 

It was unlikely, especially if they were only coming to the island to try and destroy humanity. If that was the case, they would’ve tried to do it by now.. Which would have resulted in the change of titans’ behavior, as they would’ve then tried to flock to the shifters if not the destruction of the walls. 

If the walls break..

It’s a free-for-all buffet for the titans to dine. A simple conclusion, really. If the walls break, the monsters on the outside will come pouring in. It’s like a hole in a bowl as you rinse it; It will fill with water and soapy substances until it overflows. 

It wasn’t a hard conclusion to come to, but she supposed humans didn’t possess the same history anymore, not one that was being passed on. The king.. Yeah, he fucked it up. The One-Hundred-Forty-Fifth king, and every king before him up until the king that had used Ymir like a weapon. 

Ymir. Ymir. _Ymir._

She was an.. Well, an ancient deity, in all of Naxol history. The young girl who had been a slave, only to become a pawn to the king, a concubine if you will. The king abused her for power, as she was the first titan. 

The one who originally fell into the tree, the one who acquired a parasite that resembled a spinal being, the one who was just a child with the power of ‘immortality’ upon her shoulders. Attaching itself to her and giving her full power, like she was a host that it respected, Ymir was a maiden and sign of gratification in the Naxol clan.

And yet, even so, Naxols worshipped another being more than Ymir. That deity’s name was Aisalah, the second titan to come into play. 

From all articles fabricated, Aisalah was Ymir’s younger sister. They were both slaves, and yet only Ymir had been taken into the royal family due to the titan abilities she uncovered. Before that, from all poems and stories written in Ancient Eldian, the writers described Aisalah to be a fair-haired girl with a small frame, her tongue having never regenerated even after gaining the titan abilities. 

Supposedly, that was a choice she made herself.. But it had no context, rather, only said that Aisalah never regrew it. All titans had regeneration, though some had faster and more accurate abilities than others. 

In one of the stories Aekazura always read, there were numerous drawings of the girl, some being more titan-like than human, whereas others became more feminine and romanticized. It went both ways, for Ymir and Aisalah. Though, no matter such a statement, in the books that focused on the younger titan; The fact that she fought against the king was the most prominent statement. 

Apparently, Aisalah followed Ymir through the trees after her sister took the blame of opening a pen to let out the pigs so they wouldn't be killed, whereas it had been the younger sibling’s idea the whole time. When her older sister fell through the tree, she ran forth to try and catch her. 

Of course, it did not succeed; And both females fell through the hole and were ‘consumed’ by the same parasites, though only Aisalah refused the pest to consume her flesh. Instead, she had taken it and devoured it herself. 

The parasite had become her prey, and that was how it started. Aisalah ate the creature and gained fresh attributes, eyes and hair changing due to the blood flow and sudden increase of ‘DNA’ in her body. That was the result of power, the transfer of desire.

The younger sibling refused to serve the king, and having the small power levels as Ymir, she was able to fight against corruption and instead wreak havoc on small portions of the island at the time. Aisalah was loyal to the slaves, and had bluntly chosen to stand by when the soldiers were slaughtered by her hand. 

Ymir tried to ‘reason’, but the younger did not listen. They had always been portrayed as close in the stories; But now, several books contradicted each other past their prime and way into any future you could imagine. 

In some articles, Ymir Fritz was shown to be an angel, looking down upon her younger sister who had turned into a ‘devil’, a common conception portrayed by the eldians who served the king.. Whereas some books showed Ymir being a devil, and Aisalah being an angel- The opposite, being created by the people who the Eldians conquered mercilessly. 

For Naxols, they worshipped both. As stated by both books, either ‘character’ served their leaders, and showed their loyalty. When Ymir was killed, Aisalah had become grief stricken. And yet, upon learning that her sister had started to become cannibalized by her daughters, who Aisalah had never met, she became outraged and devastated. 

In all stories, before Aisalah ‘disappeared’, she was written or drawn breaking apart the king’s castle, and grabbing ahold of what remained of her sister; Devouring the remaining flesh and bone that Ymir’s children couldn’t have consumed in a short period of time. 

Aisalah was what Marleyans wanted back on their side, though they had no idea of _where_ the deity’s titan abilities went after her supposed ‘death’. It was quite funny, really. 

The fact still stood; Aisalah was a friend of the people. She had nurtured children slaves and fought against every force that came across the innocent, often associated with bloodlust and a threatening aura; Like thunder before rain. The splatter of blood before your eyes, the sickening clench that would stifle your cries before a titan grabbed you and ripped you apart. 

Aekazura was glad, really. The being they ‘worshipped’ never truly vanished, written in stories and painted upon tapestries like a true goddess would be. Naxols were descendants from her, after all.

They were her final pieces, the beings that carried traits of bloodlust and titan-like attributes, the things that normal humans couldn’t be born with. Sharp teeth and quick-wit, strong limbs and hollow-bones; Joints that were doubled to the point a Naxol could swivel their head around like an owl.

Aisalah had one daughter, and one daughter only. She had consumed what remained of her sister, stared Ymir’s children in the eye and told them to _feed upon the humans they despised_ rather than their mother; Before she had ‘vanished’ without a trace. 

That was the story, or the summarized and unbiased version of it. Aisalah killed countless humans at the price of vengeance for her sister, for the ‘justice’ she wanted the slaves to have. Even when the woman had actually died, her daughter then cannibalizes her body as well; Devouring it fully. 

It was just a common misconception compared to the other titans, that's all.. Those who knew of her thought she’d fully decay, and the powers would belong to the next heir. That was where they were wrong, really. 

Aisalah never joined an afterlife; _Becoming_ the parasite to the body. 

“Oi, shh! You’ll break the ice!” Erieth hissed, grabbing her arm and pulling her backwards; Which snapped her out of her ‘daydreaming’ state. Her sister glared at her momentarily, before nodding at the ice below their feet. 

Aekazura blinked, letting out an exhale. The wind replied to her, blowing gently against her skin and yet sending waves of snow fluttering upwards. Her lips twitched into a smile, and she weakly pried her arm out of her sibling’s grasp, taking a few steps back forwards and watching the frost among the frozen water. 

She couldn’t see through it completely, but as she slid across it, the exposed parts of her feet scraped against the ice that had crystallized on the cold surface, guaranteeing frostbite. But, as per usual, the young adult didn’t seem to care too much; Instead allowing a small grin to overtake her face as she exhaled a breath of hot air.

“We didn’t even bring any skates..” Her sister grunted, breath swirling as the wind bellowed in return, a shriek of a hawk signaling someone getting a message. It must’ve been for Taili, or her daughter. One of the two, probably being sent by Aekazura and Erieth’s mother.

They must’ve finally gotten up to finish their former task..

Whatever that was. 

“It’s fine.” She whispered, spinning around as the soles of her feet stuck to the ice, the cold numbing her system and slowly spreading up her back; Her cloak growing obsolete as it no longer kept her warmth present. And by default, she didn’t mind that either. 

Her sibling stared, watching her slide out further over the snow, arms moving to direct her body in a new direction. For a few moments, she hesitated; Before smiling as hot air stuck to her face and frost partially melted against her cheeks and the corners of her eyes. She ran forwards onto the ice, feet slipping easily on the frozen lake as she came crashing ahead to try and ram into Aekazura. 

_Ekolinit,_ a word that meant ‘The play of ice’, or ‘Dancing of broken snow’. In Ancient Eldian, at least, that’s how it’d translate. In the current language, it’d translate into ‘Ice-Skating’, or something with a similar meaning.

The older Naxol easily twisted away, watching her sibling fly forwards as she spun on her ankle, forcing her legs to split so she could turn sharply. The eighteen year old smiled, throwing herself forwards and sprinting across the ice swiftly, her feet barely hitting the surface. 

After getting the boost forwards, she listened for cracking, but heard nothing. So she continued; Pushing herself out forwards into the center of the lake, glancing backwards to see her sibling doing the same, their bodies moving in a similar fashion. Then again, that would make sense. They were both taught how to dance upon the ice, how to move without cracking it, and how to distribute their weight in a way that would prevent shattering the frozen water. 

“Haha, move over,” Erieth laughed, almost airily. Her voice was breathy, wistful and rather cheery, like fresh dragonfruit being plucked from the plants they growled upon, their insides milky and sweet. 

Aekazura dodged the incoming person, twisting on her heel and cutting her sister off from escape; Grabbing her arms and gently hitting her forehead against hers. She grinned, whereas her sister sputtered, eyes widening in offense.

“Shh, you’ll break the ice with your high-pitched squeaks,” The older sibling gave a small laugh, releasing her limbs and pushing away against the other life form, the ice scraping on her soles. “Like a titan.”

“I mean, aren’t we the same as them?” Her sister asked after a moment, tone soft.

The latter blinked, having not expected the answerless question.

“Ah..” Aekazura mumbled, blinking as she turned her head to look at Erieth, “We are cannibalistic, in.. Anyone else’s eyes, yeah. We eat titans to acquire titan-attributes, which results in our genetics mutating to adapt to the desire to eat human flesh.. But we aren’t fully titans.. Why’d you think that?”

It was silent, the only noise being their frosty breaths. When she got no reply, she skated forwards and blocked her sibling’s path yet again, frowning. 

The younger’s face was laced with something that she could only describe as being _hollow._ Hollow and sad, that lonely look in a person’s eye when they wished to have a better time, or a better relationship with someone. The look that said that the victim was in pain, most commonly being grief. 

The urge to gain answers, but never having the means of getting them. A wistful look, full of naive serenity and broken promises. That was a look that’s as often shared among Naxols, the type of expression that appeared when something truly bad had happened. 

“I don’t know,” Erieth finally replied, tired. The excitement in her eyes were replaced with a vague sadness, almost pitying for her older sister. “I feel.. Sick, in my own skin; That’s all. I can’t get out.” 

_For what? Why are you pitying me, Erieth?_

“Oh,” Aekazura said, blinking slightly. Then she creased her brows, forcing both of them to stop sliding along the ice, instead gently tracing her hands along the tightly bound cloth around her sister’s arms. “I don’t experience that. Not often..”

“I know that.” The younger said dubiously, eyes dropping with a familiar sarcasm. She pulled her limbs away from Aekazura’s gentle grasp, staring at the bracing that kept her bones from breaking. “I just wanted your input, is all.”

“My input has never mattered much, you know that, too. Why does it matter?” She asked carefully, though her tone had hints of curiosity near the end. Her ideologies were more complicated than what her clan knew, but it was unlikely her little sister was aware of _that._

“No reason.” The former lied, almost too quickly to be thought of as a truthful response. And by default, the older female could tell the teenager was lying; Though she was uncertain as to why. 

“You’re awful at lying,” She replied instead, resisting the urge to ask what she actually meant. The ice scraped her feet again, but she ignored the subtle pain that had started to form again. “Like horrendous at it, Erieth. What’s on your mind?” 

The teenager didn’t say anything for a bit. 

“A lot of things, ‘Kazura. Too many to count, and I wouldn’t want to burden you with such thoughts.. Not until I’m old and you’ve laid your head to rest in the earth. When I’m dying and you’ve already passed on to reincarnate.” 

“Hah? We don’t get buried.” She muttered, tilting her head a bit. _What are you even talking about? Our bodies are fed to Aisalah- That’s how it works. There is no burial. No burning or evaporating involved- No.. No groveling over bodies._

“I know.” The other female said weakly, skating further out to the center of the lake. They were plenty far away from the snow covered shoreline, the air so clean it felt sharp when it entered the older’s lungs. 

“So what do you mean by that? I appreciate the gesture, I do.. But what do you mean by it?” Aekazura mumbled, following her sibling to the ice, listening for any sounds of cracking. By the looks of it, the ice was thinner in the center, a shiny gloss of freezing cold water sloshing on top, partially frozen. 

She was more cautious as she moved, whereas despite the obvious signs that practically screamed to be careful; Erieth didn’t change her pace or the way she was moving albeit ruggedly. “I just wanted you to know. I-.. You’re more human than you let on. Than any of us.”

The former scrunched up their nose, making a disgruntled look. “Mother doesn’t let me eat as many titans, I thought that everyone was aware of that?”

“No.. You actually eat a lot of them.” Her sibling replied with, reluctantly. 

It didn’t go unnoticed by the red-haired eighteen year old, but she didn’t comment on the tone displayed; Rather only inquire about such a statement as a whole. “When have I ever eaten more than what _I_ remember?” 

The reply she got was odd. 

“Years.” She said, voice rather quiet. _Years?_ That’s like telling a moth that the light was nearby, but not saying where or how to get to it. It wasn’t.. Helpful. It was more like a metaphor or some random poem that upheld a deep meaning that Aekazura was too dense to understand. 

“During the solstices?” She then pressed, catching up with ease and casting a sideways glance at her clanmate. Erieth looked fragile, her features angular yet eyes soft and exhausted; Deep marks under her eyes that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago. 

“Ah, you’re tired. You have eyebags,” The young-adult said, blinking in dismay at the appearance of such implications. She reached out, gently grabbing her sister’s wrist with a frown. “You should have said something if you had gotten tired, I would’ve taken you back-” 

“What if we can’t go back?” Erieth finally asked, her tone dull and eyes void of any real emotion. It was nearly startling, but Aekazura had dealt with something similar to her sibling’s current state when they were younger. 

“What if we can’t go back, ‘Kazura?” She said again, this time more angrily. She bit her tongue, as if to try and painfully suppress her bitter words and heated gaze; The type of heat that made a person want to hide from fear. “What if there’s no option, now?”

“What the hell are you blabbering about?” Aekazura finally sputtered, reeling her head back and roughly yanking her sister away from a large puddle of slash in the ice, twisting and sending them both flying across the frosty surface- Further to the left and down the center. 

“The fuck is up with you? We are dancing on ice, not crying. We don’t have time for that- There is no time to grieve. We can’t be caught doing both, it’d be hell.” She whisper-hissed, but despite her sudden frustration her concern never went away. 

Erieth stared at her, slowly shaking her head with a pained smile. Vaguely, she gestured all around them, to the thin ice they were balancing upon, elegantly sliding at a snail’s pace. 

“I just.. Needed clarity, Onee.”

“You’re freaking me out, Erieth.” Came the reply, slightly shaky. It was far from the calm persona Aekazura often had to wear, far from concern and so much closer to fear than what some would realize. “Why did you only one need.. Clarity? Is it about me bugging you? I’m sorry, Ri. I’m sorry.” 

“None of that, haha.. Sorry for scaring you, I’m just.. _Naive._ ” It was tense, the ‘apology’ not meaning anything to the latter and yet being meaningful enough to make the eighteen year old want to cry in pure dismay. 

“When have you ever been naive, though?” She asked, disoriented. 

“Ah, I don’t know.” Erieth laughed dryly, skipping her limbs back to randomly grab Aekazura’s hands; Holding their appendages up with a questioning look. “Onee, if I died, would you still try and save me?”

Aekazura swallowed, eyes widening slightly. 

“Of course I would- We don’t die easily. Even if your heart stops and you lose more blood than I can stomach, I’ll still try and preserve your fortune. Your my sister, of course I’ll try and save you-!”

Her sister gripped her hands, dangerously hard. The older winced at the pain that spread through her body but said nothing, unable to utter a word at the intense emotion that was in her sibling’s eyes. 

“Even if our clan doesn’t want you to?” Erieth hissed, voice like poisonous sap from a Kolotrune tree- Or the juices from the seeds inside the Kolotrune fruit that dropped every spring.

It was sticking sweet, a blackish-gold hue, like liquid metal and yet searing hot when pressed onto a person’s flesh. It burned and sizzled like acid, burning anything it touched, and yet surrendering its hellish nature to glass jars, unable to melt the heated-sand. 

“Yes- Of course I would, Ri!” The young adult said, holding her sibling’s hands tightly in return for the death grip she was currently experiencing. “You’re my baby sister, I love you more than the moon itself. I’d kill mountains and valleys just to keep you content.” 

Erieth stared at her, exhaling a breath of warm air directly upon her elder sibling’s face by tilting her head up. The look in her eyes was daring and twisted, no longer the happy and somewhat distressed look that used to plague this Naxol’s body. 

“So what if I have to die? What _then?_ What do you do then, Onee?”

“Who says you have to go? Aisalah isn’t here for you yet-” She sputtered, eyes widening at the sudden screeching that filled the air. The ice shattered under their feet, almost upon command.

The cold air that whipped everywhere hit Aekazura in a blast, steam uprising from under the frozen surface and exploding into the night sky. The cold water sprayed upwards, the ice cracking at a rapid rate and prying itself apart like a door being slammed open and into a wall. 

Aekazura screamed, being sent flying backwards over the ice and up against a large plate of the icy surface; Her spine hitting it head-on and splintering. The air whipped everywhere, crisp and sharp. 

The taste of iron was heavy on her tongue, the swirling mass of black water below her reflecting the moon’s light- The sun behind that large planet as it spun in the special void people have yet to ever reach. 

She snapped her head up, thrashing forwards as steam raked off of her body and out of her mouth, her spine forcing itself back into place like a titan regenerating. Without a second thought, she shot forwards off the ice plate and scrambled back over the shattering surface to search for her sister. 

“ERIETH!” 

Before she could leap across a large crack and slide over to where she saw her sibling’s limb body, standing in pace with a dazed look, her arms coated in blue frost and lips a pearly azure like the day’s atmosphere, something collided with her side and knocked all air out of her. 

She felt the pressure in her ribs, heard the de crack of her bones being beaten in upon the impact; But even with such a painful blow, a futile one that could lead to immediate suffering and the puncturing of one of her lungs, all she could process was the fact she was watching her sister get pulled under and kicked into the ice in slow-motion. 

The pain in her body bloomed like a thousand flowers, spring hitting her like a dizzy and ditzy rush. As if she had smoked weed and was tripping over her own two feet, choking back her breaths and replacing her steady inhalation with coughs and weak laughs that were full of pity and twisted amusement. 

It made no sense- Her head colliding against a plate of ice as someone landed down besides her and shoved her skull further into the frozen surface, the shoe pressing her body against it in unison. The mangled words of ‘Sorry, Sorry’ and meaningless apologies from one of her clanmates.

As if this whole thing was a staged interpretation. 

The death of Erieth Naxol- And the passing of Aisalah, the Bloodlust Titan. 

Aekazura watched them drown her sibling that night, watched her mother shout chants of ‘victory’ and sacrificial words to the stars up above, saw through tears in her eyes how vibrant the sky had become; Comets and shooting stars marking the solstices and holidays that were yet to be celebrated. 

They brought Aekazura her corpse, kicked her into kneeling and grabbed her face, slitting the corners of her mouth and chorusing the words of stupid songs and ritual work that was- 

A deceased tradition. 

Something only used to signal death and the passing of Aisalah. To signal what used to be, or what could’ve been true to reality, the truest of true.

_What should’ve been._

Upon being given Erieth’s corpse- Aekazura was forced to eat her. All of her, blood, muscle, head, torso, ribs and all organs. No parts of the body was allowed to be left, and therefore none were left behind, no shards of bone and nothing besides small splatters of blood that dyed the ice pale reds.

The spine cracked under her tongue as she cried, the fluids inside searing hot like the liquid inside of a titan- The fluids that evaporated too soon and that could cause any Subject of Ymir to become a monsterous being just like the rest of the titan race. 

She ate it all, cried over the scheme and fought against her kin. Aekazura Naxol was only eighteen when she gained the titan that could determine Paradis’s fate, but she never knew such information until she was older. 

The female hadn’t known Aisalah was a parasite until she gained her, and never once knew her sister was hosting the titan purely so Aekazura could kill and eat her, to absorb the parasitic titan and gain the bloodlust that would permit her certain life, an immortality of suffrage cursed upon those she’d walk besides.

Aekazura Naxol was only eighteen when her life went to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — — —
> 
> (In Chapter One! Character Information Will Update When New ‘Arc’ arrives!)
> 
>  **Name:** Aekazura Naxol  
>  **Alias:** Outsider, Always-Injured Bitch, Idiot, Aeka-Nee, Zura-Nee, Heir of Aisalah  
>  **Age:** 24  
>  **Gender:** Female  
>  **Pronouns:** She/Her  
>  **Birthday:** June 29th  
>  **Height:** 169cm, (13m - 200m; Titan)  
>  **Weight:** 49 pounds, (140 pounds - 800 pounds; Titan)  
>  **Hair Color:** Red; Ginger  
>  **Eye Color:** Pale [Azure] Blue (Bright Blue as a Titan)  
>  **Titan:** Blood Lust Titan  
>  **Favorite Food:** Avocados, Abnormal-Titan Blood
> 
> — — —
> 
>  **Name:** Aisalah (Aisalah Naxol)  
>  **Alias:** Blood Lust Titan, Bringer Of Death, Cannibalistic Being, Titan, The Devil’s Brunt, Naxol Leader [Founder]  
>  **Age:** [Variations] 36 (At “Death”), Over 2,000 (Current)  
>  **Gender:** Female  
>  **Pronouns:** She/Her  
>  **Birthday:** August 1st  
>  **Height:** 170cm (As a Human), (15m - 230m; Titan)  
>  **Weight:** 125 pounds (As a Human), (150 pounds - 1,100 pounds; Titan)  
>  **Hair Color:** Red; Fiery Orange with Red Streaks  
>  **Eye Color:** Bright Blue  
>  **Titan:** Blood Lust Titan  
>  **Favorite Food:** Unknown, (Rumored to be The Hearts of Oppressors)
> 
> — — —
> 
> Thank you for reading! The average chapter is only about 2k - 6k words, but every now and then a chapter will be longer. (Probably 7k - 10k if I don’t want to split a chapter into halves.)
> 
> The next part of the story isn’t written yet, so you’ll have to wait a bit.. But I am trying to write it all up as I post this! Thank you again, happy _‘New Years!’_


	2. Watermint (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are things in life that will try and drown you in your thoughts and make you choke down your frustrations; And then there are things that will never cease to try and save you from the bottomless pit of guilt.
> 
> It’s merely up to you as to what you try and cooperate with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Death / Murder, Mention of Human-Consumption, Worship(?).._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.

— — — 

**Year 845, 7 Months Before The Breach Of Wall Maria**

If it was the dead of night, and the moon had decided to stay hidden behind thick grey clouds, the fog-like weather would swirl in the air like dense smoke that wafted upwards from a campfire. 

Dark and gloomy every time the sun sets, leaving behind masses of thick and blanket-like shadows to overtake the earth and grasp the grounds like it’d crumble apart as soon as you were to let go. _That_ was the way things worked, apparently. 

You could stare upwards and watch the sky shift into a dark daylight, the sun peeking out behind the hills and glowing brightly past each mountain; The powdery white snow reflecting the sunlight on each tip upon the highest peaks. 

It was crisp and smelled like fresh rain, clouds slowly dissolving in front of each person who dared to look above and stay focused on each white puff. If life was any less of a fast-paced threat, you would’ve been able to sit on the grassy grounds all day and gaze at the blue skies for hours.

And yet, even if you had such a desire for meaningless peace and tired smiles full of sweet honey given to you by the wildest bees; Scraped from the freshest honeycomb within the insects’ hive, you would never be granted such a mindless dream. 

Titans walked the earth at a constant rate, destined to suffer for as long as they saw sunlight and felt that warmth on their skins, their body heat exceptionally warm without any hindrance. It forever would keep you tethered to immortality, bestowed onto Paradis island for the sole purpose of vengeful slaughter. 

It was an endless cycle, with each passing day signaling another timespan where titans were placed down onto the land that the people inside of the Walls had tried to flee and cultivate. If there had been any chances of survival within the island’s safety, that chance had been obliterated as soon as the world declared war upon the Eldians who tried to save their lives and cowered like rodents from sewage systems. 

People were forever coated in filth, slime and sludge pasted against their pale complexions and smearing deep into the scrapes and bruises they obtain by cruel bloodshed given to them by the authorities who refused to assist them in their times of need. 

The rich would get richer, and the poor would only struggle harder in their means of survival. If you were unlucky, you’d be placed into the depths of true hell, in underground cities full of sickness and distrustful beings who had been turned away by the people above ground. 

Two sides of the same coin, and yet you could never be given such freedom to pick who you were. It was decided as soon as your parents were born, for as if they were broke you too, would lack money and health. If they had plentiful currency, fresh picks to the newest loads of fruit and expensive gowns; They would stay above you. 

You are a pebble, a useless and pathetic thing merely made for the upbringing of those with more wealth and abundance than you. To try and fight such a thing goes against nature, and will only lead to your death. 

No one cares if you try to fix a mess, because as soon as you’re caught near it; Even if _you_ didn’t do it, you’d be blamed and forced downwind to grovel in the dirt. They’d push your head into the ground and slam your face into the murky puddles, your blood mixing with the liquified filth that most tried to avoid. 

If your bones break, and your body is bruised and beaten to the point it can barely function, you’ll still be ignored unless you have value. That was your destiny inside the Walls, inside of a village and kingdom built for those who were ‘noble’. If you don't meet the majority of the population’s standards, you aren’t worth anything at all.

That, at least, was how the humans inside _the Walls_ acted. 

Aekazura hummed, stepping over a log and continuing her way through the fields. Just a few days ago, there had been over fifty titans wandering in the area, ramming into one another and biting each others’ flesh out of fits of stupidity and driven hunger. 

A hunger that titans couldn’t even process, couldn’t even focus on long enough to understand. And even if they could, their damaged intellects prevented them from being able to know what that urge meant. They killed for a hunger they didn’t even know they had, or once possessed before their demise of becoming a monster. 

But now, it was completely empty.

The grass wasn’t even drenched in crimson red anymore, all the blood having evaporated and returned to its natural status as steamed-vapor within the world’s pitiful amount of oxygen. 

The Naxols had came along on one of their many journeys past their home-turf, hopping allies and gathering new materials to put into their gardens and store away in case of emergencies, saw the titans; And then killed them like they killed any other beast. It had been a quick slaughter, easily taking down the bastards in the area and then cutting their napes after gaining a fair share of their muscle mass. 

After all, even if Naxols were humans by birth; They became more and more like titans with each one they killed and consumed. Their teeth were sharper than normal, and they stood at heights an average human would never be able to become. A human could never grow to stand at fifteen feet tall, nor could they ever become on the same strength level as a titan without experiencing vigorous and brutal training. 

That was just the way humanity worked. Instead of evolving themselves genetically, they evolved rapidly through technology and advanced with new weaponry and types of transportation. 

Fossil fuels that were versatile in usage, but horrible for the environment. It was a plentiful resource, but even Naxols refused to use it. Instead, when they found it, they’d utilized it and created fuels with it in a humane and controllable way, before putting it in storage. 

They utilized it, but then refused to give it to anyone. It was a petty way of stopping evolutionary changes in technology, but they couldn’t give a fuck less. After all, humans would kill and prioritize the rich over the poor, so it was only natural that they became a mirror image to humanity within the walls. 

People would rather have a large quantity of land rather than help those with barely enough money to afford any form of meal to soothe their starvation and their half-baked world that was coming to a cold and _miserable_ But, even so, she still felt pity for those who were locked up inside the walls, suffering due to the economy’s unfairness. 

In all truth and all understanding that could be said, she would’ve asked to infiltrate that kingdom in the center of Paradis islands; But to do such a thing so soon after acquiring Aisalah? That was an unlikely desire and far from realistic, but the young adult never pushed away the idle fantasy of assistance and loyalty. 

She was a human before a titan, and a Naxol before an Eldian. That was just what she was- What she identified and affiliated herself with. Her clan and the earth, the remaining people on the island, the creatures who roamed mindlessly, staring blankly at each Naxol who passed by; As titans only saw them as other titans.

Monsters that fed upon _human_ flesh.

Aekazura exhaled airily, looking at the sky almost boredly. She was twenty-four, and was soon supposed to be given the ‘crown’ to the Naxol clan. Similar to the royal family within the walls, there were heirs and important figures.. But within the Naxol territory, within her clan, there was a leader. 

A leader; And then the _Host of Aisalah._ The host was the first and foremost leader, but they’d only become the ‘chief’ once they were ‘of age’. 

She was the host of the titan that so many people worshipped. Therefore, her father was stepping down as soon as Aekazura turned twenty-five, signaling that it was Aisalah’s time to rule. She didn’t want to mess up her role, but to be a leader of a clan that worshipped her past her standing?

It wasn’t exactly a life she wanted to live. 

But, the female supposed nothing could change until she made the difference in control; That nothing would differ and adjust into what she wanted until she got those ‘underneath’ her to see things from her perspective. 

That’s all she really could do, really.

— — — 

**Year 845, 2 Months Before The Breach Of Wall Maria**

When it rained, the grass grew.

When it was windy, the trees were ripped out from the earth and sent flying.

When it stormed, the world drowned and destruction was present. 

But; No matter the weather, the Naxols found a way around it. They created shelters that looked as if they’d fall at the slightest touch, but the homes never dropped. They built tunnels and large pathways over and through mountains; Fed the earth with blood and burned trash to create charred materials used to draw and engrave tattoos on each other’s skin. 

Everyone on the east coast of Paradis island knew how to live and how they’d die; How they would end up going down. They’d die honorably, and then their corpse would be consumed by Aisalah. In order to reach the afterlife- They needed to pass through the titan who represented a _god._

Aekazura was the host, and due to the fact the two-thousand year old titan couldn’t stay alone without latching onto a Naxol like a parasite, it meant she had to cannibalize her kin so they could rest peacefully. 

It hurt and made her extremely sick, at least mentally, but she wasn’t allowed to deny such a thing. If all life ceased to exist, her clan would also die out- And then it’d just be her and Aisalah. 

Her and the parasite that Erieth had died for. 

“Onee!” A voice popped into the world, bellowing loudly. If held no malice, but had no charm either. It was merely happy and overly anticipated, as if they had been waiting for millennials for Aekazura to arrive home from her trip with her mother.

The woman in question was still strong-willed and traditional, but she had been one of the few mothers who chose to spoil their child before they took on their test of courage. 

_If you could even call it that.._ Aekazura’s mind said, glumly.

Marie blinked at the voice, crystal colored eyes narrowing when one of her daughters came barreling through the brush line. Her red hair was pulled up into a tangled braid, strands of hair sticking to the sides of her face and tiny beads being drawn up along the locks that twisted tightly together.

Ellie’s eyes glowed with exhilaration.

Aekazura, who had been holding a large basket full of herbs and numerous plants from inland, turned around to look towards the rustling foliage and stared at her sibling who thrusted herself towards and tumbled over the roots and thick shrubbery that covered the florest’s floor.

“Hm?” The older sibling said, rather faintly. A mixture of herb-paint was smudged along her forehead and on her cheeks; The symbol above her eyebrows being the kanji for ‘Heiress’ and the ones on her cheeks being, ‘Lost’ and ‘Truth’. 

She wasn’t too sure as to why her mother had decided to grind the plants into a paste and draw the sigils upon her face, but here she was nonetheless. It didn’t exactly matter, after all.

There were more important and tedious things to do, after all.

“You’re back!” Ellie said excitedly, her aura full of relief. “It’s been a few days, I thought you’d gone off and died!”

“Can’t do that,” The twenty-four year old said, shaking her head and giving a small smile to the teenager. Ellie had only been four years younger than Erieth before her death, so by all means she had taken her older sibling’s place as Aekazura’s _new_ voice of reason. 

“Hahah, I know, I know.. Still; You and mother always take so long.” The younger Naxol said, quickly stumbling closer and grabbing a hold of the basket that the host had on her back, slipping it over her shoulders with a grin. She made an effort to give a side glance at their mother, bowing her head. But the show of respect didn’t change their mother’s snort, nor the small smile that indicated her further scolding. 

In fact, it encouraged it more than you’d think. 

“Watch it.” Marie said cooly, inclining a grow. “You and Daphene take _far_ longer; And you two cannot go past the brigade that is a little ways north.”

Daphene was their uncle’s daughter, a young and quite attractive teenager. Aekazura worried that someone from one of the other family branches would try and manipulate the girl into marrying them. 

If that did happen, she’d reign hell upon the fucker who did so. Though, it was unlikely. Most Naxols had morals, and therefore all saw things on the same level- Or at least in the same area as one another. They weren’t cruel, and having arranged marriages was strictly considered as _utter bullshit._

“You’re the one who said we couldn’t. You and father.” The seventeen year old said, huffing in distaste. “Daphene and I would go with Onee if you actually let us.”

Their birther hummed thoughtfully, but shook her head a minute later. She adjusted the basket she was using, inside being only half the amount of green age that Aekazura had in her own. “And we stand by it.” 

“Mother, leave her alone.” Aekazura stated simply, adjusting the carrying-unit onto her back and out of her arms. She pulled her hair away from the nape of her neck, and quickly took one of the many strands of elastic-band that was tied around her wrist and slipped it between her fingers; Tying it around her hair and looping it into a knot. 

“Ellie didn’t do anything wrong. She was just offering me a bit of help; So we’ll be off now.” Before either of the other parties could argue, the hostess of the Blood Lust Titan had side-stepped and gently took ahold of her sibling’s hand, tugging her away from their mother and slinking through the foliage without a second thought. 

Her younger sibling shut her mouth, swiftly falling into a pattern and picking up her pace to jog alongside the hostess. After a few moments, the female exhaled a breath that she’d been holding in. “You'll get hurt, you know? Mother isn’t the most forgiving with you.”

“But _you_ are.” The seventeen year old said, tediously. 

Aekazura didn’t reply, eyes softening when she casted a side glance to her sibling; Almost in pity. For a while, she simply held her sister’s hand and pulled her through the foliage and onto one of the main pathways of the forest; The large lanterns hanging from tree branches swaying slightly in the breeze. 

It was almost always in pity, wasn’t it? 

“Onee?” Her sister asked, blinking her azure hued eyes sheepishly. 

“Yes?” She responded, treading over the cobble path and glancing at her sibling again. Soon they’d reach the corner village, where the fifth-blood branch stayed. Aekazura and her siblings’ cousins-in-laws. 

The Naxol clan was made up of families that directly were descended from Aisalah and her family, meaning they were related to the titan who protected and served the slaves; But they all still had different heritages. Though their ethnicities were different, the titan-eaters who were related to the hostess of Aisalah would always have the most goddess-like traits from their shared-ancestor.

Within the coastline on the east of the island, the Naxols had set up a fully functioning civilization. The titans couldn’t get into the valley without being killed and cut up to be eaten and turned into grub to be passed out through the families within the clan; And animals were savored as well as properly bred and hunted to maintain a balance. 

Not to mention they grew fruits and vegetables to harvest; As well as endured physical labor in order to fish and scavenge in the sea for fish and marine-life right upon the coast.

They knew that the world was progressing, and that their bloodline as the Naxol Clan most likely ceased to exist past Paradis; But they still chose to stick with their older technology. They improved the designs and made working electricity and running water- Hot baths and sewage systems that self-filtered, but they never created cars for each other.

They didn’t make planes often; And if their history wasn’t missing a main piece of the past, they had only ever made two planes. Nowadays if they wanted to get up high into the air, they’d make hot-air-balloons and set flight.

“Are you mad?” The teenager asked, softly.

Again, the latter did not respond. Instead, she kept walking down the path, eyes flashing exhaustion and slight amusement. Then, after a few moments of what some would call tense silence; She spoke quietly. “How much watermint have you used in the past months?”

“You avoided the ques-...” Ellie trailed off, frowning before she huffed, accustomed to the downplay of her sibling’s moods and sanity. Some days Aekazura was cheerful and actively trying to be kind and had a general sense of joy- Whereas some days, from what most people knew in the village, she fell ill to Aisalah’s mind and wanted to do nothing more than sleep.. 

Or slaughter titans and feed upon their bodies. 

“I’ve used every basket you’ve given to me..” She said, walking to the left of the hostess. “Daphene and Willow really like it when I make tea with it.” 

“That's good.” The young adult nodded, her tone gentle and ever-lasting. It was featherlight and shallow, holding no real response or interest to continue the conversation. 

After a moment, she spoke up with slight amusement. As if to make an attempt at being happy like she normally was. And yet, no matter what charade she pulled, her clan knew she would never be the same after gaining the parasite they worshipped- Let alone after she _ate_ Erieth. “They always seemed like the type to like your over-steeped brews,”

“I- Hey!” Ellie barked, blinking rapidly as she scowled. Aekazura chortled, trying to cover up her bemusement with a stoic face. It didn’t succeed.

“They never said anything!” She exclaimed, tips of her ears burning a bright red; The color almost matching how bright the pigment in her braided and tangled hair was. A true and well-absorbed accomplishment, really. 

_Good job._

“Mm.. That’s because they’re nice. They wouldn’t even know what a perfectly good cup of tea is; Seeing as all they’ve ever tasted is your clumsy batches and our uncle’s poorly steamed cups of hot piss.” The adult said, not filtering her words.

“Onee!” Ellie choked, shaking her head and lightly jabbing the female in the shoulder. “Arenöck’s tea isn’t that bad, come on!”

“It is.” The female repeated, though less vulgarly.

“ _Onee,_ ” She said seriously, lip quivering as if she was trying to hold in a laugh. Aekazura recognized the expression, and felt a wave of familiarity wash over her like a gentle wave-poll on one of the muddy bays of Lake Okjad during the summer, when strawberries were ripe and as red as every Naxol’s hair. 

The latter arched a brow, humming in a charade of curiosity and faked chastity. “Yes?” 

The younger and messier sibling couldn’t resist but to cackle at her sister's feigned innocence, grinning like a mad lad and locking her elbow with the heiress of the clan. She couldn’t get out any words, and kept laughing breathlessly- The sound soothing and all too cheery to not make Aekazura allow a small smile to pass over her face.

Distant memories spun through her head as they walked down the cobble path, slowing down from their jog. Ellie stumbled, tripping over her feet whereas the older sibling merely helped keep her upright, gently closing the lid of the hand-woven basket on her sister’s back. 

Life was tiring and uneventful; But there were small treats to be adorned. 

Aekazura knew that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — — — 
> 
> (Chapter One! Information Is The Same)
> 
>  **Name:** Aekazura Naxol  
>  **Alias:** Outsider, Always-Injured Bitch, Idiot, Aeka-Nee, Zura-Nee, Heir of Aisalah  
>  **Age:** 24  
>  **Gender:** Female  
>  **Pronouns:** She/Her  
>  **Birthday:** June 29th  
>  **Height:** 169cm, (13m - 200m; Titan)  
>  **Weight:** 49 pounds, (140 pounds - 800 pounds; Titan)  
>  **Hair Color:** Red; Ginger  
>  **Eye Color:** Pale [Azure] Blue (Bright Blue as a Titan)  
>  **Titan:** Blood Lust Titan  
>  **Favorite Food:** Avocados, Abnormal-Titan Blood 
> 
> — — — 
> 
> Thank you for waiting! (This chapter wasn’t fully edited.. I’m sorry about any mistakes.)
> 
> It will be several weeks until I update again, as well as several more chapters before Aekazura even interacts with anyone from our main cast; So you’ll simply have to endure as I get my shit together and start writing the second chapter- Hahaha..
> 
> Thank you for reading, again!


	3. Watermint (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a ringing in her ears, echoing and mindlessly chanting at her to pick up the pieces she had allowed to stay broken at her feet, soaking into the earth and falling underneath the soil. 
> 
> There was the taste of blood on her tongue, filling her mouth as she inhaled the air around her shallowly, eyes fogged over with a distant longing.
> 
> Aekazura Naxol wasn’t the best with ignoring temptations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: _Violence, Mentions of Death / Murder, Mentions of (Technically) Cannibalism, Mentions of Medicine-Abuse, Self-Hate, Emotional Manipulation.._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.
> 
> (Physical / Mental Abuse might be one of the topics in this chapter, though I’m unsure how to classify it here. More so it’s violence.)

— — —  
**Year 845, 42 Days Before The Breach Of Wall Maria**

“Onee!” Ellie whispered, blinking from her position on a large rock in the middle of the clearing. She had a knife in hand, skinning a fish and placing the creature’s scales on a papaya-frond, the female having already eaten the fruit that had been attached to the leaves. 

Of course, most of the botany had been cut, packaged, sugared, and softened with wet-strips of rice-cloth; And then set neatly in a large basket and hauled off to one of the food preserves, but that was a given. 

Food was prepared by everyone, and anyone within the clan was allowed to do it. They went through food at an abnormally high rate compared to humans, and consumed nearly nine times more than the strongest man to ever be recorded within the archives. 

It was food, a natural preservation of energy and nutrients. Such a thing was valuable for any form of life, let it be a titan, human or another animal- Or a plant. Although, nature and greenery ate away at sunlight and the mulch ridden ground _rather_ than the common gifts of life and blood that were in animals and people.

Compared to most creatures, sunlight was needed in order to function. And although that was true, Naxols, in comparison, didn’t require nearly as much as any other being. They were nocturnal and function far better at night or in darkness, resulting in them being tired or grouchy when the sun was out.

It was easier to kill titans at night, too, seeing as the fuckers didn’t move around _nearly_ as much.

As well as that, humans were often asleep. So if a Naxol wanted to go off and find a human village, and kill the humans there to soothe their hunger, they would more likely than not have the chance to succeed.

“Onee!” Ellie chirped again, huffing at the blatant disregard of the conversation at hand. She meant no harm, surely, but Aekazura wasn’t in the mood to chat.

No response was made, and the twenty-four year old practically avoided opening her mouth for anything. The older sibling continued to work, grinding away herbs in a stone bowl. There were all sorts of leaves crushed in tiny pouches, stems drying and being boiled in separate pots above thick and rather harmful fires that could cause a breakout of heat within the forest if the coals’ embers got out of the makeshift fireplace.

Even if they had fully developed kitchens and proper housing units, as well as a fully functioning society within the forest and valley on the island, most Naxols chose to stay more wild and nature based. They used technology whimsically, but not as if they needed or relied on it.

After all, they had no purpose for mindless investments.

“Onee, what are you doing?” She whined again, sighing. Gesturing to the large trout she was working on, she continued. “You don’t have to work or do anything today! Why are you doing Daphene and I’s job? I’ll trade you, skinning fish for grinding herbs,” 

Aekazura paused with her task, holding the stone in hand as she grinded the water mint into a fine powder. She turned her head to face her younger sister, swallowing thickly. Steam from a pot of boiling water wafted into the air, warm and newly produced from the heat. 

“I’m fine, Ellie.” She said curtly, glancing at her sister briefly and then returning to her work. “You continue with the trout, I’m just grinding up some of the plants for long-term usage,”

“Why?” She asked, hugging as she started working on the sea-life again. She had a small basket besides her, full of seaweed and perfectly wrapped fish that had been skinned and prepared for sushi. 

Ellie had always liked rice and fish, similar to Erieth. 

They both had liked steamed carrots too.

The similarities hurt, Aekazura realized with a small pause in her work. She wasn’t good with recognizing pain; But she knew it was there. The longing to go back to that winter night and fight harder for her sister’s survival. 

_Futile wish.. That’s futile._ She decided quickly, easily slipping back to her mask of charades and pointless lies That were nearly see-through by almost everyone around her. They were useless things to hope for, something that kept her busy when her mind refused to rest during the rare s chances of opportunity.

The rare times she was given the option to sleep all day.

“Because.” The twenty-four year old said simply. “Soon it’ll be winter, and it’ll be cold. The herbs will dry up naturally and die off, and we’ll be left fending for ourselves again. I’d rather be prepared, than watch some of us die due to sickness. We aren’t invincible, you know.”

Ellie was quiet again, just for a few minutes. 

Then, she was talking again, “But we don’t get sick often, Onee. That's more of a children-thing; And you know how well mother takes care of our clan. Same with father. There’s no way we’d get sick and die..”

“Then think of it as something keeping me busy so I don’t go insane,” Aekazura lied through her teeth, sighing. There was a fine powder of green smudged on her hands, dry and itchy upon her reddened and bruised skin. 

She’d been grinding herbs for the past seven hours, packaging the powder and pressing it into tablets for easier-access and consumption once the medication was needed. A tedious task at best, truly.“It’s a hobby of mine now, seeing as I cannot do anything else without it being _treason._ ”

A distant desire of wanting to be an herbalist passed through her mind; When she had been a child she had wanted to work with her aunts in the medical department, as well as find a way to hold onto titan blood for a longer period of time.

Those desires faded away six years ago, she remarked with a half-sigh, half-snort of disappointment. Nothing truly mattered as it was, she supposed. Her position as the heir was too great of a title to just abandon in favor of her wanting to be seen as a normal being. 

The only way to be seen that way would be if she were to go live in the walls.

_Live in the walls._

“Ah,” Her sister said; Blinking. She didn’t come to the conclusion that the older Naxol was lying about the mediocre task at hand, but she certainly knew that Aekazura wasn’t telling her everything. “Why don’t you try sewing..?”

“Pricked my thumb too many times. Mother didn’t like that.” Aekazura said, dully. 

“Gardening?” She tried another suggestion.

“Too much dirt and labor, apparently.” Again, the other female snorted, rolling the stone against the palm of her hand while crushing several buds from a seaside herb that grows on the Eastern Bay. “The irony, seeing as I salvage for herbs inland all the time.”

 _Calling Plant._ An herb that was good for colds and soothing fevers, but rather annoying to try and prepare for medical usage. Using a hot rag was often easier, but didn’t have the same, swift and nurturing results that Naxols craved the night of getting sick.

Therefore, people worked to grind the plant into a smooth and fluffy powder; Draining the sap and drying them in sunlight and honey-based oils. Sometimes they’d add pink Himalayan salt to give it a twinge of flavor, but Aekazura never really thought it was all that salty, nor sweet. 

It was bland. 

“Uh-huh,” Ellie agreed, almost with a pitying tone. Then, her tone became cheery again. “Onee, have you tried listening to the radio while reading? The Claxes’ often work the electricity lines to give everyone proper access to the talk-shows.”

Claxes were a tiny family within the Naxol clan, although they haven’t had any offspring in quite some time. Rather, they had been working on making electricity more accessible and fixing the Clare disorientation that came with power-outages.

The electrical-lines flashed through the heir’s eyes, the noise of static white filling her eardrums briefly. The people on the walls didn’t have any form of advanced technology; Although Aekazura could blame Eldian history for such a decrease in humanity’s advancements on the island.

Radios were quite entertaining if you understood what those on the noise producing device were saying, or discussing. Most of the Naxols had at least four radios in each unit of the forest; Some not belonging to a specific family, and instead being daintily set up in a tree, the wire and internet-connection being wrapped around the trunk and all the way up to the tops of the branches. 

The outside world had cars and planes, trains and military-authorized vehicles. Naxols had blueprints for such devices, as well as some of them in mountain units where they’d be out of the way. Sure, they were useful for the average person; But Naxols ran fast and had titan like traits.

Basic human advancements weren’t as useful to them as it was to another race. If they wanted to get somewhere fast, they ran at the speed of a titan just to rub it in, to show a clan-mate that they wouldn’t be late arriving on scene or running errands because they weren’t easily wavered when dedicated to something.

“Yes, I’ve listened in. They’re only entertaining for so long, though.” She swallowed her saliva, refusing to look up to meet her sibling’s curious gaze. So, instead, she elaborated carefully, “I can only focus on them for a little while before I grow bored and restless.”

“Hm.. You could stay at the shrine for a few hours longer than normal?” Ellie said, albeit cautiously. She sounded as if she was walking on hot coals without any proper training to withstand such pain; Collected and voice half-way near wavering in submission. 

A hopeful and yet sad suggestion.

“I’d disrupt their prayers.” The older sighed airily, not wishing to talk about such a topic. Religion and faith made no sense, especially not to a titan who was still alive in the form of a parasite. Aekazura was the host of a titan, as simple as that. 

It didn’t mean she was a goddess, for fuck’s sake.

“They pray to Aisalah, who is with you daily. You’d _enlighten_ them until they burst apart like a star- A supernova.” Her younger sister said, her words more thoughtful than her previous tone that had been full of pity and drips of worry. “Plus, don’t forget that everyone worships you.”

“I’m aware.” The titan-shifter said blatantly, her voice bitter and full of slight resentment. “Even _you_ worship me when I’m at the shrine, and it’s fuckin’ wack.”

_I hate how you look up at me like I’m all-knowing and perfect._

Ellie made a small laugh, choking on her breath and smiling like Aekazura had just called her a maiden. The older Naxol arched a brow, barely glancing at the girl before pouring the greenish-grey powder into a small vial; Capping it and sealing the jar tightly. 

Her sibling had always been soft around the edges, round and smiling far too much to be normal. She was bright and had a good future ahead of her, often talking about how she wanted to take on a year-long job instead of the casual routines most Naxols had set in place.

There was no pay for what you did, and there was no currency. If you needed something, you asked for it. Then, someone would go to get it for you in a month or less; And per usual, you’d thank that person for their energy and time. That’s how the system worked; As no one was poor or rich.

If you wanted to live in a small house, money or status played no part in it. You could have as large of a house as you wanted for as long as it didn’t impair another life form, or collided with any of the parks within the valley- Or of course, messed up the ecosystem horribly.

You could live as freely as you wanted to, you could live however you saw fit on the coastline with the Naxol Clan, for as long as you obeyed a single rule that determined your fate in the universe. That determined your pitiful existence, and if you deserved to survive.

 _Obey the heiress of Aisalah,_ and you can do whatever you’d like, however you wanted to do it. You just had to be undyingly loyal to the goddess of Blood Lust, by all other qualms.

“I’m not worshipping you now, though, am I?” Ellie clarified, rather cheerfully.

_I hate that voice._

“No,” She said faintly, almost as if her sister’s words had no benefit and no reassurance in them. That her sibling’s voice held no joking taunts, or any form of livelihood. “No, you’re not worshipping me right now at _this_ moment.”

_I hate these herbs. I hate the mud on my hands and the leaves under my feet as I sit here, bringing away just so I don’t get lost in my thoughts._

Aekazura swallowed, suddenly feeling very sick. It was a bad and unruly feeling, one that curled in her gut like shame and forced her to bow her head down. She gritted her teeth, as if to keep tears out of her eyes. “But it’s worse when you worship me; Even if it’s for Aisalah. It’s so much worse when you pray at my feet, begging for forgiveness and understanding.”

_And I hate it when you treat me like a god._

She stared at the ground again, fighting away the sudden disgust that curled in her stomach.

_I hate that the most._

— — —  
**Year 845, 37 Days Before The Breach Of Wall Maria**

Aekazura hated being captive, but she hated being lost in her own head more.

So when the thoughts got too loud, and she started to choke on her own saliva and feel sick; She would take a piece of leather and stuff it in her mouth, bite down harshly and then slip away from wherever she was, walking or scrambling down a path to just get ‘fresh air’.

She’d excuse herself, and then walk quickly without casting so much as a glance in any other Naxol’s direction. More commonly than not, Ellie would try and follow her or come find her if she heard that her big sister had gotten ‘sick’.

And each time, Aekazura would hide and never reveal herself to the girl.

She’d take far too many tablets of medicine, swallowing them down with an inaudible gulp and swishing water around in her mouth while she paced the flooring of the world- The flooring of her room, or the ground outside that was damp and had the stability to produce and support crops and good nutrients to the world. 

So here she was, pacing back and forth within a secluded and rather untamed area of the forest, tucked away against one of the many ditches and ravines that had been carved out for future expected floods and heavy snow drift for once the winter started to coat the earth with snow and ice.

It didn’t matter to her, the way her breath swirled against the humidity. Her body was cold and she felt sick, knowing full well she had a fever or some form of illness; Most likely from overworking and taking one too many Kaleroot tablets. 

Such a medication wasn’t meant to be taken in large doses, but Aekazura was impulsive.

Far too impulsive to follow the rules and be obedient.

The hostess wanted to so badly go flying, grab a cloak from her home and tether it to her arms and legs so she could jump from one of the outpost trees that towered over the forest’s green and lush canopy of leaves. 

During the autumn, the shrubbery and bright hues of life would turn into dull reds and oranges that would soon turn into baroness, sprinkled with white powder and frost that wouldn’t melt until the spring. It wasn’t unlikely for all of the plant life to dry up and disappear briefly during the winter, but it was also hard to believe that everything would go away for a singular season.

The titan-shifter paced again, hating the way her hair stuck to her face as beards of sweat rolled down her cheeks, slicking her skin into a sweaty mess that begged for the cold pressure of a washcloth.

She turned in her heel again, gritting her teeth on the leather in her mouth. It wasn’t soothing the aching or hatred in her gut, or keeping her thoughts at bay. Perhaps she had overused the tactic past the point it didn’t help anymore. 

_That was probably what is happening,_ she concluded numbly. 

More commonly than not, such a thing would barely have an effect on her; As it’d help soothe her misery and give her something to actively harm or destroy without putting those she cares for at risk, or herself, in some ways. Of course she wouldn’t mind the violence as of right now, as it would probably help keep her level-headed.

Disgust curled in her gut as she paced, body moving on its own. 

Nothing Aekazura ever did was fully given to her by her own desires, as her family always had to infiltrate what she wanted and twist her words into something they’re not. Always had to try and convince her that what she wanted was wrong, and couldn’t be given to her as the hostess of the goddess they worshipped.

It was overwhelming, and no one gave her a break. There were no breaks to be given, apparently. None to be obtained, and none that were permitted to a girl who hosted a parasitic titan who would one day reign hell upon the world for harming Paradis and the other Naxols.

Aisalah cared and protected the other Naxols through harsh words and strict guidelines, wishing for them to not mingle with the Eldians in the walls for as long as possible. It wasn’t out of hate or spite, but caution; Something that the goddess most often than not was shown to never have in her personality.

Caution.

Such a thing was never represented within the books and legends listing who and what Aisalah was, what she did and how she acted. In fact, the authors from all those years ago described her as head-strong and violent; Sometimes even gentle and soft-spoken when interacting with her sister or people, but never cautious. 

But here she was, nearly two-thousand years later, being cautious and not permitting the mingling of titan-eaters and titan-killers within Paridis. 

Sometimes Aekazura found it silly, and paid no mind to it. Other times, she found herself contemplating if the unspoken rule even made sense. Perhaps it made sense, and she was too feeble-minded to know it. 

That would be a large possibility, she knew. 

Aekazura swallowed thickly, pain sparking up in her gut again. It made her stumble as she paced, tripping over her own feet as she somewhat gracefully fell over, catching herself before she could fully hit the ground and her coated with dirt and mulch. Shit like this happened all the time.

So she’s laid there for a few moments, exhaustion seeping through her bones in an unfair and yet achingly familiar way. It was agonizingly slow and hurt like hell, churning in her stomach and twisting in her mind.

It made her want to lash out at someone- Anything that moved, really. It happened commonly, but she never felt an urge as bad as the one she currently had. She wanted to have major change; To leave the rules of being a Naxol behind and to go do what any other person within the walls could do-

Live without the titans coming in and playing a major part within your life.

Despite living inside of a cage, stuck inside large barricades that prevent human life expanding to meet titans; They didn’t have to worry about eating their people and siblings for ritual practices, or killing titans that came so much as an inch close to their homes because their entire lives were hidden behind hulking partitions. 

They had no reason to worry over the things a normal Naxol worried about. As a fully functioning human, you couldn’t process titan-blood or obtain the genetics that the man-eating creatures possessed. If you were a human, you weren’t cannibalizing your family and friends for a deity that wasn’t even actively besides them through prayer.

If she could leave, leave and just never come back, she’d be able to leave behind her former identity and create a new one- Ignore her abilities as a hostess and live in oblivion of all danger, live in mindless banter and fit the description of the perfect housewife for some random person who she’d probably never love. 

She just wanted to get away from her society, stop being worshipped, and just forgive her own ‘sins’ in order to benefit herself furthermore and ignite a new passion- To actually be able to live comfortably without being deemed a goddess herself. 

Aekazura knew better than to think she could run away from her responsibilities and ignore her kin, but she sure as fuck couldn’t stand being used as a vision, a being of light and guilty-pleasure used to justify the reeking of blood lust and desire within every life-form.

And yet, to be the vessel of such a will, to hold a personality trait that wasn’t even her own, made her body feel weak and forced her to want to curl up and die in loud, booming, values; Crushed under boulders and rubble caused by the destruction of titans. 

She wished the misery would end- Even if it was just for a little.

An idea sparked in her mind, lighting up her nervous system and making her eyes water. It was a faint and nearly irresistible desire, something that made her want to question her sanity and life-choices until there was nothing left about herself to scrutinize meaninglessly.

The young adult felt the urge to _run_ wrap itself around her neck, tightening with every shallow breath Aekazura managed to take through her nose. Weakly, she grabbed the leather out of her mouth and tugged it out, the material being ragged and messily coated with clear salvia, an indication of harsh biting having taken place. 

She pushed herself upwards, eyes flickering with far too many wills and wants for her to properly decipher as her own, or a mere reflection of the titan she hosted and was fit to pilot in meaningless wars and battles of sparse bloodshed. Meaningless attacks and acts of slaughter and mass-genocide to titans and nature alike.

Human kind was prey to the Blood Lust titan; Nothing stopped it from getting the satisfaction from death and violence. The satisfaction of blood and suffering, a thing that came from people; And people alone.

Her knees felt scraped, but she could feel the boiling hot air that radiated past the small cuts, wisps of steam barely visible as it filtered past the flesh and blood that was tattered and bruised upon the female’s joints. 

And yet, such a thing didn’t faze her.

Aekazura felt jittery as adrenaline filled her system, and she forced herself to start walking. Walking turned into running, and as she ran, she only knew that if she was to be caught, she’d get hurt-

But she wanted to do something.

Something that would give her peace. 

Peace and tranquility and a sense of belonging for _fuck’s sake._

— — — 

The noises she heard were loud, like water dripping down a leaf into a puddle during the most silent night. The way it echoed in the air, like sweet honey sticking to your skin and taking a few minutes of vigorous scrubbing to get it off of your flesh.

It wouldn’t go away.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Marie yelled, hands on her torso, nails digging into her shoulder-blades with complete and total denial. Several other Naxols voiced the same phrasing, shouting at Aekazura in shock and what sounded like pity- A deep and overbearing sorrow that ate away at the heiress’s sanity.

“What the fuck? What the fuck?”

She felt a person thwack her upside the head, sending her flying forwards in the clearing and hitting the ground harshly, skin scraping in the dirt and causing more of her blood to spill. 

It was a strong and potent scent, swirling in her mind and filling her senses with a broken feeling of pity. It hurt, the way her knees were so badly ripped and bruised that they were bleeding and clotting up, preventing her from moving without it being painful.

But she didn’t feel any regret, forcing herself off the ground as she kept her eyes squinted, expression alarmingly blank for someone of her personality and moral code. Titans would catch scent of the bloodshed and soon come through the clearing to try and feast, mistaking the mass of Naxols as a horde of humans to consume. 

If a titan arrived, though, it’d be killed instantly, that was just how it worked.

She was starting to wish she fought harder when she ran against the clan to get peace of mind. _Ah, oh well.._

“Aekazura!” Her mother yelled, clearly mad. Her blue eyes were glowing with hate and shock, an emotion that swirled in the depths of hell, awaiting prey to take and slaughter mercilessly. 

She stalked over to where the young adult was currently standing-up, blood spilling from her knees and a large wound on her hip, made directly from a Naxol slamming her into a sharp peak within the grounds of the valley. Her ribs ached, too. Everything did, really. 

“Yes?” She responded, not showing a hint of remorse or fear. 

“ _What the hell were you thinking?_ ” Marie grabbed her arms, grip deathly tight to the point bruises started to form immediately. It hurt really badly, but the adrenaline hadn’t worn off yet. 

Aekazura met her mother’s gaze levelly, refusing to be as angry as her. “I was tired of this. I wanted a break.”

“By going to the _Walls?_ ” She screamed, practically roaring into the female’s face. Again, there was a chorus of people screeching their agreement with Marie, the anger strong and unforgiving to any ‘excuse’. “Are you _mental?_ ”

The thought of being insane made her repeat the phrase to herself briefly. It was a question that had no answers, one that wasn’t meant to be asked. _Am I mental?_

“No.” The hostess of Aisalah replied, not giving anyone the satisfaction of showing any form of guilt or submissiveness. She wasn’t going to allow such a thing. She wasn’t _sorry_ for wanting freedom of worship- “I wanted a break.”

A break of all the suffering that never can be spoken of.

A break from all of the shit she had to deal with each day.

A break from life’s expectations. 

“Your desire for a ‘break’ nearly got us all killed!” Her father hissed, blood dripping from his brow, a faint nick upon his skin. He towered over the other people that had came with Marie to stop her from going past the Eastern Bridges, having narrowly prevented her from climbing the wall and throwing herself over it.

A tall feat, really. 

“We cannot die.” The twenty-four year old responded again.

“We can, we aren’t invincible! What drove you to put us in danger, Aekazura?” Her mother shouted at her, again. She briefly looked to her father, off to the side in mild interest. He was mad too, they all were, weren’t they? They didn’t understand she couldn’t stay behind and be a perfect host. 

They didn’t understand human desires like she did- The way she knew the difference between Aisalah and titans rat took on all of Eldian suffering. There wasn’t anything to waver her choices past the will of the people, to which she felt free while not responding to them. 

She liked the feeling of open air and the way she could spiral over lush grass and trip against roots of trees and topple into the dirt, laughing carelessly. She liked the way it felt against her skin, the tiny specs engraving themselves into her flesh as if she was a canvas to be painted upon. 

The way she became a being rather than just some god to be worshipped by people who couldn’t understand the desires of freedom, the desire to leave unity behind to gain independence and a cherishable space, one without exploitation and careless manipulation.

Aekazura Naxol hated staying locked up, the will of her own body belonging to a parasite who had been the indirect cause of her sister’s death. Erieth was a female who the latter loved with all of her being, more than she loved and cared for her own sanity.

If there was a price she could’ve paid to have kept her younger sister alive, and to kill Aisalah so that Erieth wouldn’t have ever had to host the parasitic-titan, she would’ve paid it within a singular second of thinking. 

To kill herself in a desperate attempt to replace the teenager she had loved to bug and bother with mindless and childish antics? Yes, she would’ve done so within a heartbeat.

No questions asked.

“What could have possibly been more important than your clan and sanity as the hostess?” Marie hissed, eyes still wide with anger and shock. It was an annoying expression to look at.

Aekazura stared at her mother, thinking for a moment. It was a bad idea to say anything that showed she was thinking solely for herself, but the energy and disobedience that filled her system was too strong, and she couldn’t stop the small and vacant smile that slowly spread onto her face.

“Freedom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — — —  
>  **Notes:**
> 
> Aekazura before the Breach Of Wall Maria is really similar to Eren- lol
> 
> Thank you for reading, I fell asleep writing this. Sorry if it’s not much progress, the next chapter should be the start of Wall Maria, and what happens. 
> 
> In this chapter, it’s implied that Aekazura ran to the walls to try and get in, to escape the Naxol clan because they wouldnt dare to enter the walls for anything unless Aisalah commanded them to. Confusing, I know.
> 
> Anyways.. Thanks again.


End file.
